Partners Of Sex Addicts Support

Have you recently learned that your partner has been viewing porn? Or that your he has been cheating on you with multiple partners? It could be he has been with prostitutes, visiting strip clubs or adult bookstores, or sexual at massage parlors. Your trust for your partner is completely gone.

No matter what the sexual betrayal, the partner of the sex addict experiences deep trauma and injury. It can be harder than you think to find a therapist who really understands the trauma you have suffered as a partner of a porn or sexual addict.

Partners Of Sex Addicts Experience Betrayal Trauma

At Front Range Counseling Center, we believe that the partner/spouse of the sex addict experiences PTSD trauma upon learning that the person she or he loved and trusted has been unfaithful (some for years). We have found that most partners had no idea that their spouse/partner was even struggling with sexual addiction.

You may have known that something was wrong, but had no clue that the problem was his or her being unfaithful in the relationship. Sex Addicts are experts at hiding their addictive behaviors and are terrified at being discovered. They have gotten good at keeping the truth from others and from themselves. We often reassure partners that she or he is not the problem or does he or she have any responsibility in the sex addict’s behaviors.

Symptoms Of PTSD For Betrayed Partners of Sex Addicts Include:

Emotional instability, including frequent mood shifts, over-the-top emotional reactions, tearfulness, rage, etc., sometimes followed by feelings of intense love and a desire to “make it work.”
“Detective Work” behaviors such as checking cell phone, credit card statements, GPS tracking, computer history, texts, seeking evidence of continued betrayal.
Feelings of anxiety, depression, loss of self-esteem, rage, and confusion.
Becoming easily triggered into believing your partner must cheating again (i.e., panic when partner is five minutes late, shuts down his computer when you come home, obsessively watching whether he looks at an attractive person, etc.).
Contemplating filing for divorce to punish him or telling his parents or friends about his sexual betrayal.
Struggling with sleep, not wanting to get up in the morning, and/or having nightmares.
Having struggles to perform daily responsibilities, such as picking the kids up from school, performing your job, taking care of yourself, etc.
You may find yourself competing with the porn or affair partners by trying to lose weight, changing your hair style, being more sexual or dressing provocatively, etc.
Obsessing about what he/she may have done sexual with others.
Pretending nothing happened. Trying to return to “normal.”
Using excessive alcohol, drugs, food, spending, gambling, TV to escape and numb your pain.

Spouses & Partners Of Sex Addicts Need Support Too

If you are visiting this website and you are currently in pain because you recently learned that your husband/wife or partner has been unfaithful and caught up in sexual addictive behaviors and we are here to support and guide you through the trauma. You may have initially focused on your partner’s problem but now you are realizing that you feel hurt, confused, angry, scared, and depressed. You may also have found that your family or friends are not a healthy support because they just don’t understand what you need.

We fully understand that your hurt and pain doesn’t go away on its own. We will help you through the different stages of hating your partner and feeling love for your partner. You need support, understanding, a safe place to share your hurt, and to learn boundaries that you need to set in order to feel safe again. We know that you probably are feeling some shame and fear that others will judge you for not leaving him/her. We get it. Family and Friends may not be your best source of support right now.

Caution! Protect Yourself! Require Your Partner To Get Checked

In our experience working with sex addicts and partners, no matter what the sex addict tells you, you should not have unprotected sex until you are confident (repeat, confident) that the addict has had a full (and completely clean) STD screen, and is willing to be tested in the future whenever you ask.

Couples-Centered Therapeutic Disclosure Process

We have a couples-centered therapeutic disclosure process this is a crucial component in recovery for both the partner and the addict and for the relationship. We believe that the couples-centered disclosure should be done early in recovery (within one to three months) for the partner of that chooses to stay in the relationship.

Secrets fuel the addiction and prevent healing for the partner. After all, how can you heal when you don’t know exactly what you need to heal from? We recommend the full disclosure with polygraph to motivate the addict to be completely honest.

With some direction from your therapist, you should be allowed to ask whatever questions you like during the disclosure process. Many good sex addiction therapists don’t have training or experience in couples-centered disclosure (we do).

Support Groups For Partners & Spouses of Sex Addicts

We have support groups of other wives/partners who fully understand your shock, pain, trauma, rage, and deep sadness. The support group will provide a safe place for you to share your story, cry, get angry, and share whatever emotions that you have to share.

Dealing with your partner’s sex addiction is not something you should do alone. We recommend you seek help from counselors and other partners of sex addicts who understand what you are going through and empathize with your situation.

Our partners of sex addicts group provide a safe space for you to share hurt, your anger, and your fears. The group counselor creates an environment of love and acceptance. You may have to try out more than one before you find one where you feel comfortable. We use a curriculum based on the partner trauma model of healing for partners.

If you experiencing trauma from your partner’s betrayal, lying, or keeping secrets, please contact our counseling center for support. We have counselors that understand what you are going through and need.