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No Pain, No Gain

By Tyler White, MA, LPCC on Friday, April 18th, 2025 in General Mental Health. No Comments

While the saying “no pain, no gain” is usually referenced in regard to the gym, athletics, or hiking a 14er, I believe it is an idea that can be related to therapy as well. Many times, when clients come into my office, they are wanting help and to process some extremely difficult life circumstances. Addiction that has wrecked relationships, unhealthy patterns that have been present since childhood, anxiety that has resulted in panic attacks for years, or depression that leaves an individual feeling incapable of leaving their bed somedays, just to name a few. Clients come in wanting to work on this, and their expectations can sometimes be that this work will be…easy…painless…simple. The reality is often far from this.

I believe these expectations that therapy is easy work sets people up to fail. I often tell clients that it may get worse before it gets better. And how could it not? It gets worse because, for the first time in many peoples’ lives, they are addressing their issues instead of numbing them. They are putting these areas under a microscope and finally looking at what they want to see changed. If someone was going to the gym for the first time in years or climbing their first 14er, nobody would encourage them with the sentiment “this will be easy!” Rather, they would likely encourage them with something to the effect of “this is going to be hard, but it’ll be so worth it.” This is how therapy should be looked at. It is going to be hard, you’re probably going to cry, there will be times you want to quit, but if you stick with it, you will see change.

The reality is that good therapy requires work on behalf of the client. In order to experience the phrase “no pain, no gain” at the gym, you actually have to allow your body to experience the pain and discomfort of working out. Simply showing up at the gym, and staring at the weights is not enough. You have to allow yourself to experience discomfort in order to see change. The best therapist in the world cannot force a client to put in the work. They can encourage it, they can point out the lack of effort, and they can try to help a client see the steps they need to take, but, ultimately, that decision to put in the work rests in the client’s hands.

For me, there is something really special with the clients I have sat with for years. I think my favorite thing is that I can see the impact of them having putting in the work for such a long time. When we first started working together, they made the decision to put in the work, even though it was uncomfortable. They experienced the pain, and they are better for it.

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Tyler White, MA, LPCC

As a therapist, I operate from a number of different modalities, including person centered, cognitive behavior therapy (CBT), internal family systems (IFS), and attachment theory.

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