A Look In The Mirror: Anger

Anger Management Tool: A Look In The Mirror

Now think about yourself. When you get angry, it is usually over something that is a real wrong? Is it about a true injustice in the world? Do you find yourself angry about oppression or starving children? Do you find yourself saying, “that’s not right!” about human trafficking? Or is your anger usually about a perceived wrong? Is it more of a case of selfish anger when you do not get what you want?

If you were to look back through your anger logs, what conclusion would you come to? Do you have a problem with selfish anger?

When evaluating your own anger, consider if your anger is justified, or if it is really selfish anger. Perceived anger can feel just as real as real anger. The emotion is the same. So don’t foo yourself by thinking, “this time I was really upset, so it must have been real,” or “this feels real, so it must be real.”

When evaluating your anger, there are two questions to ask to determine if it is real or perceived wrongs:

• What wrong was committed?
• Am I sure I have all the facts?

First evaluate your situation calmly and logically. Is there a real wrong that was committed? Then consider if you have all the information. I cannot count the number of stories I have heard of people getting upset and then later discovering they didn’t have all the facts. They were really mad because they had jumped to conclusions or made an assumption. Then when they discovered the truth they felt foolish for getting angry.

Frequently we get upset about things that are not real wrongs. They are just small, petty things that bother us. If we understand that this anger is just perceived, we may be able to let go and release our anger right then, and then move on. Or we might realize that we don’t have all the information, and so our anger may not actually be real. Knowing that this anger is not real, but just selfish can help us to let go of it.

Excerpt from “Take Control Of Your Anger: A Step-by-Step Guide to Anger Management” by Michael Ballard, MA, LPC

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Michael Ballard, MA, LPC

Counselor For Anger Management at Front Range Counseling Center

I am an anger management counselor at Front Range Counseling Center, an outpatient clinic in Denver that helps individuals and couples with anger problems. I am a Licensed Professional Counselor in the state of Colorado. I provide counseling services for individuals, couples, and families who struggle with anger. I developed The ASCEND Method® for anger management, and have used this method with men and women, adults, teens, and children. I have also authored various workbooks, training manuals, and articles and has been published in The Washington Post.

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