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Healthy Relationship Attachments

By Steve Marks, MA, NCC, LPC on Sunday, October 9th, 2016 in Marriage Counseling. No Comments

Denver Relationship LoveHealthy Relationship Components

Healthy relationship attachments components include:
Know – Trust – Rely – Commit – Touch.

These five bonding forces form the glue of your relationship (connection) and they should grow together in a balanced way. In other words, there is a safe zone you need to stay within as your relationship grows. The basic rule for staying in the safe zone is: never let one level exceed the previous.

Therefore, never go farther in sexual touch than level of your commitment; and do not form commitment beyond the ways the other person has proven reliable; and do not look to the other person to meet your needs (rely) beyond your tested trust in him/her; and do not trust someone more than what you know about them (Intimacy).

The proverbial “love is blind” syndrome occurs from a problem with either your mind or your heart. You should keep your head and heart in harmony. If you step out of the safe zone, you will overlook and minimize problems in the person for the “sake of love.” This kind of imbalance leads you to feel in love by compromising your judgment. The problem with the mind occurs when you do not know what to look for in a marriage partner. Many people have wished they knew back then what they now know. There are five crucial areas to know:

1. Family background and childhood dynamics.
2. Attitudes, actions and values of the conscience and maturity.
3. Scope of compatibility potential.
4. Examples of other relationship patterns.
5. Strength of relationship skills – ( examples include communication, conflict resolution, willingness and ability to meet needs in healthy ways, care, consideration and compassion).

It is these areas that best predict what a person will be like as a spouse and parent. It is by this approach that you can follow your heart without losing your mind.

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Steve Marks, MA, NCC, LPC

Steven Marks specializes in both couples/marriage counseling and sexual addiction couples recovery and therapy for men. Steven has received specialized training in relationship/marriage and sexual addiction counseling.  He is Clinical Director for Front Range Counseling, an outpatient mental health clinic in Denver and Littleton Colorado.

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