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Anger Management Step: Gaining Awareness

By Michael Ballard, MA, LPC on Friday, January 13th, 2017 in Anger Management. No Comments

Denver Anger Management

Anger Management Steps: Gain Awareness

By this point you should have a lot of tools to help you take control of your anger. You know how to gain anger awareness, stop your immediate response, calm yourself down, evaluate your situation, and navigate your options. If you have been following the steps, you have probably seen significant improvement in your anger. We focus now on direct confrontation to work through anger. Couples counseling may be the best place to practice this step.

But there is one more step that is critical to the process. The final step in the ASCEND method is: Do something.

Anger awareness
Stop your immediate response
Calm yourself down
Evaluate your situation
Navigate your options
Do Something

As we discussed in the last lesson, you have three good options when it comes to doing something with your anger: Direct confrontation, dropping anger, and decisive action. This lesson will focus on the first option, direct confrontation.

Direct confrontation means sitting down with someone face-to-face, mano a mano, to work through your problem in a calm manner. I should note that this conversation should ALWAYS take place when you are both calm. Direct confrontation is important, because the best response to anger is usually to kindly confront the person who has wronged you in an effort to seek resolution. The goal is to solve the problem, and the best way to do that is usually through a confrontation that is both kind and firm.

But I Don’t Want To Do Direct Confrontation For My Anger!

The problem is that every HATES confrontation. We don’t want to do it. We say things like:

  • If I bring this up it will only make it worse.
  • He will never listen.
  • Nothing is going to change.
  • I know it’s not going to work, so what is the point?
  • If I bring this up I’m afraid I will lose my temper and that will make it worse.
  • If I bring this up I’m afraid the other person will lose their temper, and that will make it worse.

Since we think it won’t work, we don’t even try. So what happens next? We end up stuffing the anger. Conflicts linger on and are not resolved, which only leads to future conflicts and more anger. Failing to confront when a confrontation is necessary keeps the problem alive, and you end up more upset in the long run. It will hurt the relationship, and it will hurt you.

Most people don’t know how to handle confrontation in a kind but firm way. They never learned how to do this, and probably never saw it modeled in a healthy fashion. I can count on one hand the number of people I know in my life who effectively handle confrontation. It is not something that comes naturally. But if we are going to effectively take control of our anger, we absolutely must learn how to do direct confrontations.

In the next few blog articles, I will include how to use confrontation effectively to resolve your anger issues with another person. If you are struggling with anger, please contact Front Range Counseling Center to setup an individual counseling session.

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Michael Ballard, MA, LPC

Counselor For Anger Management at Front Range Counseling Center
I am an anger management counselor at Front Range Counseling Center, an outpatient clinic in Denver that helps individuals and couples with anger problems. I am a Licensed Professional Counselor in the state of Colorado. I provide counseling services for individuals, couples, and families who struggle with anger. I developed The ASCEND Method® for anger management, and have used this method with men and women, adults, teens, and children. I have also authored various workbooks, training manuals, and articles and has been published in The Washington Post.
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