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Building Intimacy Marriage

By Steve Marks, MA, NCC, LPC on Wednesday, November 9th, 2016 in Marriage Counseling. No Comments

Denver Relationship TherapyPeople in marriage often don’t know simple ways to develop and foster intimacy in their relationship….they think it should just happen or it’s too much work. Intimacy is about being known in various ways and areas of a relationship. All it takes is an effort to connect with your spouse on a daily basis.

A simple and practical daily inventory in taking ownership in pursuing intimacy with your spouse is listed below.
Rate the following from 1-10 with 10 being always trying to accomplish. Move towards your spouse through these actions by moving your rating towards a 10 in each dimension and your intimacy will grow in your marriage.

Couple’s practical dimensions of Intimacy

  1. Was I willing to initiate interactions w/my spouse?
    – Did I make several bids of connection with my spouse today (Intellectual, Emotional, Social, Spiritual, Physical)?
  2. Was I emotionally present with my spouse?
    – Did I express feelings and hear theirs?
    – Did I empathize, validate and give comfort if necessary?
  3. Did I follow through with tasks – do what I said I was going to do?
    – Was I reliable and dependable?
    – Did I really mean yes….when I said yes?
    – Was I considerate?
  4. Did I have an attitude of gratitude?
    – Was I grateful for the blessings of our relationship?
    – Did I express my appreciation?
  5. Was I open & vulnerable?
    – Was I authentic with my words, actions and behaviors or did I keep secrets, lie, or omit?
    – Was I present and available or isolated or too busy?
  6. Did I demonstrate nurturing attitudes and behaviors – empathy, validation, comfort, consideration?
    – Did I demonstrate care, consideration and comfort?
  7. Was I honest?
    – Honesty is not only telling the truth, but being open and not omitting information to avoid interaction…..was I open?
  8. Did I play with my spouse – have fun?
    – Was I a friend to my spouse? Did I proactively pursue being with, playing, dating, laughing or relaxing together?
    – Did I have their back?

These are eight very easy and practical dimensions/actions any individual can take to build intimacy in a relationship. It doesn’t have to be a mystery or complicated. I can choose to demonstrate love by these eight practical steps.

Give it a try for 30 days! It will enhance the intimacy in your relationship

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Steve Marks, MA, NCC, LPC

Steven Marks specializes in both couples/marriage counseling and sexual addiction couples recovery and therapy for men. Steven has received specialized training in relationship/marriage and sexual addiction counseling.  He is Clinical Director for Front Range Counseling, an outpatient mental health clinic in Denver and Littleton Colorado.

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