Anger Management Tools: Thoughts

The first step in this process is to identify your thoughts, or what you are thinking about that is making you mad. What i your trigger though? Are you have wrong thoughts about your relationship?

As we’ve said, the reason you are mad is not because of what happened, but because you came to the conclusion that something was wrong. So in order to evaluate your situation, you have to identify what you are thinking.

Start by asking, “What thought just went through my head when I got angry?”

Hopefully your practice on your anger log will make this step easy. But if you are having a hard time identifying your trigger thought, think about it this way. You are mad because you have come to the conclusion that something is wrong. So…

• What is wrong in this situation?
• What should be happening?
• What should not have happened?

If you can answer these questions, then you know why you are mad. These questions will tell you what you are thinking.

• Ex: I am mad because… he never listens to me; she always does this; these kids are so disrespectful; these drivers should not cut me off.

Sometimes it seems like you just reacted and there was no thinking involved. But the truth is that there is always a thought in your head when you are mad. This is a big step to understanding your anger and knowing what to do with it.

You have to find out what you are thinking that is making you mad. Don’t move on to the next step until you know what you are thing about that made you mad.

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Michael Ballard, MA, LPC

Counselor For Anger Management at Front Range Counseling Center

I am an anger management counselor at Front Range Counseling Center, an outpatient clinic in Denver that helps individuals and couples with anger problems. I am a Licensed Professional Counselor in the state of Colorado. I provide counseling services for individuals, couples, and families who struggle with anger. I developed The ASCEND Method® for anger management, and have used this method with men and women, adults, teens, and children. I have also authored various workbooks, training manuals, and articles and has been published in The Washington Post.

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