Anger Management Coping
By Kevin Leapley, MA, LPC, CSAT on Sunday, January 22nd, 2017 in Anger Management. No Comments
Anger Management Coping Styles
Anger Management Coping StylesPassive Anger Management Coping Style
The passive anger management coping style is characterized by a desire to avoid offending people and conflict in all situations. To push for what you want can feel too scary especially if it produces conflicts with those around you. The passive person often says nothing about what he/she wants or needs. It may come out in indirect ways. When the person needs to establish boundaries or limits, they tend to do it by avoiding the situation or just by talking themselves out of doing anything.
The pro of this coping style is that others will rarely get angry at you, since on the outside you seem happy, good, nice, and especially compliant. The con is that people don’t know you for who you really are. You become like a chameleon, changing your colors to suit the situation. You never get what you want, and often feel resentment that others don’t understand or acknowledge what’s important to you.
Aggressive Anger Management Coping Style
The aggressive coping style is characterized by bullying or pushing others into what you want from them. This may be through loud and demanding that you get things your way, and punishing people that don’t give you what you want and when you want it. The pro of this coping style is that aggressive people often do get what they want and when they want it. This may mean going to the restaurant of your choice when going out to eat with others or getting that unique cookie from the bakery.
The con of the aggressive coping style is that you may lose relationships or the people you try to intimidate will find some way to get back at you; either directly through confrontation or indirectly through avoidance of friendship. If they choose confrontation, it can quickly escalate and lead to a verbal or physical fight. Avoidance leads to a feeling of isolation and loneliness. And the aggressive person can never be quite sure if even those close to him/her are doing what you want out of love or fear.
All of us have a friend that we can label as the “nice guy.” Yet a “nice-guy” passive coping style leaves him feeling stuck and helpless, pressure building up inside to the breaking point. The slightest trigger may serve to set him off into a vicious outburst of anger. The “nice guy” doesn’t often show his anger but takes it out in passive aggressive ways.
Assertive Anger Management Coping Style
The best coping style and the one often recommended by anger management counselors, is the assertive coping style. The assertive coping style is characterized by the belief that everyone has the right to express their own legitimate needs. You are allowed to say what you want, express feelings, stand up for your rights, and set appropriate boundaries. All this can be accomplished without violating the rights of others and others also have the right to express their needs.
The assertive style allows you to work toward compromise without anger. It makes it possible to seek a solution where both parties get something they want. The assertive style allows you to protect yourself without blaming others and lets you set limits without hurting other people. Being assertive works well in every aspect of interpersonal interaction, whether it be struggles about money, conflicts at work, or intimate issues like sexuality. Being assertive is often used by sexual addiction counselors to help addicts deal with their resentments and not act out their anger in unhealthy sexual ways.
If you are wanting to work on your anger management, please contact us today to setup an individual counseling session with one of our anger management therapists.
Kevin Leapley, MA, LPC, CSAT
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