Step Three Of Twelve Steps of Recovery
By Kevin Leapley, MA, LPC, CSAT on Friday, July 31st, 2015 in Sexual Addiction. No Comments
“Made a decision to turn our will and our lives over to the care of God as we understood Him.”
In Step One, we admitted that we were powerless over lust and that we could not manage our lives in the addiction. Also, in Step One we admit that we cannot manage our lives on our own; we need help. Step Two made us aware that we could be restored to sanity by a Power greater than ourselves if we begin to simply be willing. These conclusions did not require action; they required acceptance. At this point, we should have accepted the unmanageability and insanity of our lives.
The first requirement in doing Step Three is that we become convinced that we can no longer determine what is best for our lives but rather look to God for direction. Obviously, the first two steps show that we are no good at running our lives. We end up doing the same thing and expecting different results. Our will includes selfishness — self-centeredness. This self-centeredness is the root of our troubles. So our troubles are basically our own making. So addicts must be eliminate this selfishness. We must, or it kills us. We found that we could not reduce the self-centeredness much by wishing or relying on our own power. Thus, we had to quit playing God.
Step Three calls for action, for it is only by action that we can cut away the self-will which has always blocked the entry of God into our lives. The key that will allow God to enter our lives once again is willingness. The thinking mind and its self-will may block the entry of God into our lives once again, as it frequently does. However, the key of willingness will open the door.
The thinking mind, using instinct and logic to bolster our egotism, would have us believe that, if we turn our will and life over to the care of God, we become nothing. We lose something that appears to be important to us. The truth is, the more we become willing to depend upon a Higher Power, the more independent we actually are! Therefore, dependence, as the 12-step philosophy practices it, is really a means of gaining true independence of the spirit.
Step Three asks us to make a decision to turn our will and our lives over to the care of God as we understand Him. This decision can only be made by us. All by ourselves, being convinced that self-will has ruined our lives, we need to develop the quality of willingness. By becoming willing, we can make the decision to exert ourselves. Doing this is an act of our own will. Remember, all of the steps require our sustained, personal, and intentional cooperation to conform to their principles and to God’s will.
The effectiveness of the whole twelve-step program will rest upon how well and earnestly we try to come to “a decision to turn our will and our lives over to the care of God as we understand Him.” The other steps of the twelve-step program can be practiced with success only when Step Three is given determined and persistent trial. Thus, we try to make our will conform with God’s so that we can begin to use it lightly.
Once we are convinced we have no choice but to turn our will and our lives over to God, then it is easy to begin the practice of Step Three. In time of confusion, we pause quietly and say: “God, grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, courage to change the things I can, and wisdom to know the difference. Thy will, not mine be done.”
The purpose of writing the third step is to help us “make a decision to turn our will and our lives over to the care of God as we understand Him.” Go through the following examples and be as honest and specific as you are able at this time. Give specific examples and situations from your own life.
Below are some questions to help you write out your 3rd step work:
- In what ways are you aware that lust and problems in your life are a result of the acquired thinking of your mind?
- In what way does Step Three call for action on your part?
- How have you blocked God from your life. Give examples.
- Explain your understanding of God at this point in the program.
- What do you think self-will is? List some of the ways it has caused havoc in your life.
- “Dependence on God is really a means of gaining true independence.” What does this mean to you?
- How did Steps One and Two prepare you for Step Three.
- Do you feel you are now truly willing to turn your will and life over to the care of God as you understand Him? Explain.
HERE IS THE THIRD STEP PRAYER. YOU MAY WISH TO RE-PHRASE IT IN YOUR OWN WORDS AND TO ASK ANOTHER PERSON TO HEAR YOU PRAY IT.
“God, I offer myself to Thee — to build with me and do with me as Thou wilt. Relieve me of the bondage of self, that I may better do Thy will. Take away my difficulties, that victory over them may bear witness to those I would help of Thy Power, Thy Love, and Thy Way of life. May I do Thy will always!”
This material was adapted from San Diego SA’s use of the study guides from the Top of the Hill Group, an AA group.
Kevin Leapley, MA, LPC, CSAT
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