BLASTED = Triggers For Sex Addicts
By Kevin Leapley, MA, LPC, CSAT on Friday, June 12th, 2015 in Sexual Addiction. No Comments
Sexual Addiction Triggers
When working with men that struggle with sexual addiction, I often will discuss their triggers that precede the last acting out behaviors. The triggers usually fall into the acronym B-L-A-S-T-E-D. The more the sex addict can understand his real need rather than the need for sex, the more he can replace unhealthy behaviors with healthy pursuits.
The Blasted acronym stands for:
Bored: Boredom is painful and addicts do not like pain. Addicts want stimulation. When the addict feels board, he is more prone to be tempted to pursue porn or other sexual stimulation. Many of my clients are ADD (Attention Deficit Disorder) and once they are on Adderral (stimulant), they have less need to pursue stimulation.
Lonely: Sex Addict are some of the most lonely people on the planet. Due to childhood wounding and trauma, the sex addict flees from bonding with others and prefers to bond with a false connection (i.e., porn, one-night stands, prostitutes, etc.). Real recovery from sexual addiction is not simply stopping the behaviors but rather learning to connect and bond with others (preferably with other members in a recovery program).
Anger or Anxious: Both anger and anxiety can be triggers for the addict to use his drug of choice. Anger may be a secondary emotion to cover or push away fear. When the addict feels shame, it is followed by anxiety of being rejected or shamed, and then he can become angry that others don’t accept him. Porn will never reject him, judge him, or abandon him. It is the one thing he believes he can control when his world feels uncontrollable.
Sad or Stressed: Sadness and stress are both triggers for the sex addict to pursue sexual behaviors. The sex addict can feel overwhelmed by his sadness or by feeling stressed. The sex addict in recovery will need to learn self-soothing exercises (meditation, making a gratitude list, sharing his feelings in meetings, calling others in his group, etc.).
Tired: The sex addict has lived a life that keeps him exhausted. Staying up late to view porn, drive the strip for a prostitute, chatting online with a potential partner, etc. can leave him feeling tired. This is a horrible cycle of pursuing the behavior to numb his exhaustion and then feeling constantly tired, which leads to pursuing more sex. In recovery, the sex addict will need to set a schedule of getting 7+ hours of sleep each night and taking time to rest.
Empty: The sex addict fills himself with empty relationships that will never fulfill what it promises (“making me whole”). Therefore, the feeling of being empty can trigger the recovering sex addict to think about pursuing sex. The solution for this emptiness is a relationship with a Power Greater than himself…..with God. The solution must also include working with other men that struggle with sexual addiction. The addiction is about taking, recovery is about giving.
Detached and Disconnected: The feeling of being alone and not trusting that anyone else will meet his need can lead to the trigger of feeling detached and disconnected. In the sex addict’s past, he would simply attach and connect with a fantasy partner in porn or with a real person but through the use of money. In recovery, the addict must learn to trust his fellow recovering group members and daily reach out for connection.
Sexual Addiction Counseling
If you are needing to recover from sexual addiction, please do not hesitate to call our counseling center for help. We can be reached at 303-933-5800 or through filling out the contact form in this website.
Kevin Leapley, MA, LPC, CSAT
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